a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to fling myself into the sun
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
