eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
