So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
