I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
