The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
