Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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