how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
