You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
