I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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