I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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