considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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