Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
