Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
