that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone shit on the floor
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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