I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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