im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
