So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Panties = found
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
