there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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