Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
