My nipple is on Facebook.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
