never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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