Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
