and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
