There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
