Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
