I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
