Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
