I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
