you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
