Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
