fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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