shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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