So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
