I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
