I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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