So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
