Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
