grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
