Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
