i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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