I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
