when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Every concussion has its silver lining
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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