we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize