You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
