Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
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