OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
