That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
