well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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