Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
