You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize