rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
