Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
