Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize