I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
