You can't special order awesome
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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