i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
