Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
