I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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