my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
