Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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