chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
