I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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