There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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